Both personally and professionally, Johnny Depp seems to be in a bit of a slump.
And by “a bit of a slump,” we mean we’ve seen episodes of Intervention that are less depressing than this guy’s current press tour.
Depp may be promoting a Disney movie these days (Pirates of the Caribbean 5: Yes, Another One), but he’s sticking with the thick-tongued persona of the guy from your local dive bar who’s sipping a PBR when you stop in at 11 am because you left your bank card there the night before.
The recent tabloid headlines about Depp have been … not great.
A pair of lawsuits has revealed that Depp is broke (by Hollywood standards. He still has like 12 houses.) following decades of extravagant spending.
Execs at the management group that recently filed a counter-suit after Depp accused them of mishandling his funds claim that the actor spends $30,000 a month on wine and shells out millions to staff properties he never visits.
All of this comes on the heels of Depp’s ugly divorce from Amber Heard, during which the once-beloved screen icon was accused of being verbally and physically abusive to his ex.
Clearly, this is a man whose public image is in need of some serious rehab.
Unfortunately, like an alcoholic version of the stoner Towelie from South Park, Depp apparently decided to get just a little bit drunk before embarking on a mission to save his career:
That’s Depp appearing on Ellen yesterday, and his appearance has been described a number of different ways.
Some have kindly and euphemistically described the actor as seeming a bit “tired” or “out of it.”
We assume they’ve either forgotten that this is the dude who spends a middle-class annual salary on wine each month, or they’re just being polite.
Either way, we’re gonna go ahead and speculate that Johnny’s had a few.
Look, we’re not doctors. Nor are we the bartender who served Depp him before the show.
So we can’t assess his exact level of intoxication, but that is a man with a bellyful of a ’47 Bordeaux that costs more than your first car if we’ve ever seen one.
But hey, we’re not judging.
If Depp can get loaded and still dish out Trump zingers like he does in the clip above, we say go for it.
Of course, we’re not the dude’s accountant.
He probably feels differently.