Last night on Vanderpump Rules Season 5 Episode 7, Scheana Marie decided it would be a good idea to confront her rival Lala Kent.
Was it, though, Scheana? Was it?!
Meanwhile, Stassi Schroeder put Jax Taylor on blast on her podcast, and Ariana Madix decided that this time, enough was enough.
On this installment of the Bravo show, we saw Kristen Doute throw a surprise party for Scheana’s husband Mike Shay and Brian Carter.
There, Stassi Schroeder decided to confront Scheana about her supposed loyalty to Lala Kent, a s–tshow that we will get to momentarily.
First, Stassi hit up SUR and asked Brittany Cartwright if she could interview her boyfriend, Jax Taylor, for an episode of her podcast?
Why Jax? “I figured it would be a really good idea to have Jax, now that he’s reformed, answer, ‘How do you get away with cheating?’”
Brittany admitted that she didn’t like to dwell on Jax’s past behavior, especially for the sake of Stassi’s podcast, but she gave in anyway.
The allegedly reformed Jax happily Stassi’s questions about cheating and even agreed to take a sociopath quiz (seriously) on the air.
If you watch Vanderpump Rules online, then you know that Jax is a full-on psycho, as the test obviously confirmed with flying colors.
But it’s cool, right?
“Jax shouldn’t feel bad about being a sociopath,” Stassi said, adding that we all have issues. “I’m an alcoholic, so he’s in good company.”
Meanwhile, Lisa Vanderpump asked Ariana Madix to get together with the rest of the ladies at work and start to work out their differences.
This turned out to be a failure of epic proportions, as Lala tried to own up to body-shaming Katie Maloney, who did not want to hear it.
“Do I need to, like, [pleasure] you to make you forget?” Lala asked, clearly annoyed with apologizing and then being told to apologize.
Scheana also apologized to Lala for spreading fake rumors about her, which further irritated Katie, as she didn’t really stand up to her.
That non-confrontation is what caused Stassi to freak, saying that “apologizing to Lala is like one of the victims apologizing to Charles Manson.”
Slight hyperbole, but it gives you a sense of the tension involved. Later, Katie sent Scheana a number of mean texts about Lala and feelings.
The next day, Brittany and Jax tried to figure out Katie’s motivation. Scheana chalked it up to “Stassi Schroeder and probably some tequila.”
Sounds about right.
At the surprise party, Kristen told Carter that the surprise party was for Shay, and Scheana told Shay that the surprise party was for Carter.
“This party isn’t exactly a surprise party,” Tom Sandoval said. “I mean, both guys knew they were going to a surprise party. It’s not a surprise.”
Also not surprising? A conversation with Kristen and Scheana that was both unproductive and sad and left the reeling Scheana in tears.
She also asked Ariana to intervene and confirm how timid, mild, measured and half-assed Scheana’s apology to Lala actually was.
Stassi became emotional and ran away.
Katie found Stassi sobbing on the bathroom floor like an even hotter mess than usual and called out Scheana for being a bad friend.
Scheana wasn’t having that for a second.
“Over the past few years, I’ve fought with my friends and made up with them. I’ve never thought I was better than them until this moment.”
Damn. Where do we go from here?